invictus

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

~ William Ernest Henley (1875)

this has always been one of my favourite poems. it's speaks to the very nature of who i want to be and who i hope that i am. i think that we too often have the attitude of being unafraid on the big stuff...national championships and making big decisions but we forget the everyday stuff. believing that i am capable of achieving excellence in everything that i do...that the only limitations that actually exist are the ones that i put on myself.

that we are able to change our circumstances. we can't control others but we can can control how we respond to situations and standing with complete resolve in the face of adversity...whatever adversity is in our lives is how we shall be found unafraid.

adversity has many faces. and you will find adversity everywhere in your life. it's not that adversity exists which causes the problem...it's how we meet it.

so today i will meet adversity and smile at her, for she does not make me fear the future - rather she makes me welcome it because through the fire and storms of life comes strength and heart for what comes next.

:::cort:::

there and back again

well,

at this point i am over trying to make excuses for not writing. i've been busy. WE'VE ALL BEEN BUSY. i guess life just gets that way sometimes. so i will visit as often as i can.

life has been crazy.

complete madness.

but not madness in a bad way...madness in a...i don't understand what God is doing with my life-madness. but i suppose i need to back up and start at the relative beginning, fast forwarding through the normalcy of spring at evergreen.

as mentioned in one of my last posts (i think), i spent the majority of january and february travelling around the 3 western provinces promoting camp, recruiting staff, and recruiting guest groups. bible college camp days, teachers conventions, and the like were how i spent the greater half of each month. more days spent in hotel beds and friends' homes than at home defined these months. it was super tiring. i liked it but by the time i took a week of holidays the first week of march i was poopered.

but one of the stops along the way in february was ACSI's teacher convention. i was bored and so i started doing some very simple team building activities with teachers passing by. this led to a conversation with alberta's ACSI director and soon enough...i was getting information about teaching some workshops at the following year's convention and a week later i was getting recruited for leading team building at the Alberta Student Leadership conference in october. 200 student leaders from across alberta. i didn't really think anything of it initially. i was just like...it's team building - whatever, i do it every day. so it sat on the back burner for months.

we took off out of the gates in may with 17 staff. it was a great spring. lots of amazing staff members. but probably the starting of my madness began on may long. a group that rents our site asked me to work with their high school students for the weekend. which was cool but it marked the first time i got booked as a speaker...as a "consultant". we did team building and talked about how to impact our world instead of letting it just float by. it was cool - a little nerve racking at first because i wanted it to be good...then the end of june hit...

i was contacted by the organizers of the conference in october.. we met and it turned out that i would be doing 6 sessions (almost twice as many as the keynote speaker) for the 200 participants. in my mind i was freaking out a bit. this could be a massive springboard for me or...it could bury any hopes of getting into this more full time.

i ended up getting booked to be the keynote speaker for another school's high school retreat out at another camp. that was amazing too...i had never been a "speaker" for anything other than teaching my staff during Staff Training weeks. two weeks later i was at the Student Leadership conference. it was crazy doing team building with that many people...i definitely learnt and grew as a facilitator. i made lots of connections and hopefully i will get to do it again next year.

in the middle of all of that was summer. it was awesome. we had a great two months. at the end of august i got a chance to roadtrip with my good friend jenni to oregon to see the ranch that she works at and adventure around the volcano(ish) area that is the desert of oregon. 15.5 hours there and 17.5 hours back with 2 days in the middle. it was great...

we ended up not having a place to stay because the state parks were full...so we stayed at jenni's friend's house...which was a giant barn near sisters, oregon...it was amazing. thanks Jane!

the first picture is of Smith Rock - which is a very popular climbing spot there but just an amazing place. Then of course is of us...Bear and Bee...the roadtripping queens. i had never really been to a desert before and so this was quite the little experience for me. we hiked up Smith Rock...i was sweating like crazy and you know the amazing thing? my hair stayed straight. i fell in love with the desert right there.

the rock formations were amazing. and the lava lands - which is where i was determined to find obsidion... the picture of me infront of the black rock is...courtney versus the volcano...or giant black rock. needless to say, i lost. jenni had to give me (once we were back in canada) some of her obsidion as a consolation prize. i wanted to find it so bad.

so i'm pretty convinced that the lava lands are possibly where buddy (peter jackson) that directed Lord of the Rings got his inspiration for Mordor from...it pretty much looks like it. so jenni and i were frodo and sam for a short time...

i loved seeing stuff for the first time. we don't really have stuff like that in alberta. sure we have other cool things that oregon doesn't but this was totally cool. i imagine it's similar to someone seeing our Icefields or the Tyrell Museum for the first time.

anyways, the last cool shot i want to give you is the large hole. literally - it's a big hole in the ground. it's called a lava chute. and you get to just walk down into it. jenni and i ran. mostly because we got there late in the day and we wanted to go as far down into the hole as we could. we ran for about 29minutes straight...and we weren't close to getting to the end of it. in the picture at the opening of the chute i'm wearing a hoody...well - it's actually 30+ degrees celsius outside but the moment you step into the chute it drops down to 5 degrees celsius. awesome! you could see your breath (next picture) and all. basically - if you're ever just wanting an adventure...go to the state with 8 license plates.

if i were a parent, i would tell me kid that the chute was someone's best attempt at digging a hole to china. literally, the chute goes for miles underground. it's sweet.

i guess that pretty much catches all of us up on what i've been up to. there and back again...no jokes. it's been a pretty eventful 6 months. and what's coming? well - i'm now a taekwondo athlete. that's my new winter sport. my classes are in sundre and it's great. i really excel at beating people up...apparently it's a spiritual gift. ;) i'm competing in my first tournement in a few weeks so i will definitely let you know how that goes...i don't know what you get if you win...maybe just the nice feeling that you can beat people up better than anyone else.

and lastly...i will be spending my new years in st.louis. i am attending a huge mission conference there called Urbana. so that will be pretty exciting...i know some people going but apparently it's almost impossible to find people as there are like...30, 000 people at this conference. but i'm jazzed about going...i've wanted to for a long time.

but that's it from the den of this bear. i'll check back soon... (me and really ugly monkey in a place just across the border called "Good Grief"...so we named the monkey Pete. so we could say that we stopped for Pete's Sake in Good Grief.

until next time...

25 things...for those of you who aren't on facebook...

well here it is. like or not.

1. i played basketball in high school...a lot. like i was meeting the janitor at the door at 7:30am so i could shoot hoops for an hour before school would start. i've been called obsessed but i liked to think of it as dedicated. i went to a really small high school and so i even practiced with the boys. honestly? i believed that i would be the first woman in the NBA...then in grade 12 the WNBA was born and i was going to play in that. obviously we know how that turned out.

2. i like people generally. but i don't know if it's something about being in the service industry or working closely with dozens of people but i'm actually a bit of a recluse in the evenings. i don't mind being by myself and avoiding people. i think that sometimes it comes across like i don't like people...it's not that - i just don't like being around them. ;)

3. i write poetry. currently it comes in the form of fridge poetry (still counts) but when i was in high school i used to write dozens of poems. i look back at them now and think that most of them were really lame but i didn't submit one to a poetry contest and won...it got published or something but we never bought the book.

4. I have a secret (not-so-secret-now) desire to be a surfer. I don't know if it's something about the image or maybe the really hot weather that goes with it but i've just always wanted to be one.

5. i never kissed anyone on the lips (mom not included) until i was 27. it ended up being a foreign rugby player...and it was wonderful. do i regret waiting until i was 27? not at all.

6. i like nearly every genre of music. i have favorite bands or musicians in almost every single one. from ACDC, Andrea Bocelli, tim mcgraw, garth brooks, eminem, britney spears, U2, Chopin, Deathcab, Serena Ryder...I could go on but I think you're getting the picture.

7. i want to travel to new zealand. it's the one place that i want to see before i die. i just dont ever seem to have the money but all i know is that i want to experience the culture and meet the people and see the All Blacks play in their home country before i'm called home.

8. i've never done drugs...illegal drugs atleast. not pot - not anything. i've never had the desire and have never seen the point.

9. I have always wanted to be a cop. it's something that's always been on my mind but i've never acted on it. my life has always just gone a different direction. i have even been encouraged by three different cops on three different ocassions and periods in my life to become a cop. i don't think that it will ever happen though - i love what i do now and i don't see that changing any time soon.

10. i think i'm going to take tai kwon do classes in the fall. i think there's a tiny ninja in side wanting to get out...that's right - i don't have an inner child - i have an inner ninja...oooooh yeeeeaa.

11. i never played rugby in high school. in fact, i never laid eyes on a rugby ball until university. i learned how to play at TWU. i was a flanker my first two years of playing (TWU and U of L). i recently ran into my coach from TWU and I was able to tell him how far I've gone with it and he asked if i was still a flanker...i laughed. if you know rugby at all and you know me, i'm definitely not a flanker (for a millions reasons). anyways, it was good to think back to where it all began and talk to the one person that encouraged me to keep going (he was first person to think that I had a good chance of doing great things with it). there's not many times in my life where i've been able to return to where it all began and thank the one person who helped push me towards the future.

12. i've lived in the same house with up to 11 girls and an iguana before. never again.

13. at one point in my life i think i was actually in love with a boy. tho, i don't think i would have admitted it at the time. it's odd to think about that...i mean it was a long time ago but i still think about him and what would have happened if we had just fought for each other - we wanted to but for one reason or another, we just didn't. hmmmm - unfortunately i don't think it wouldn't have worked, he was a rugby player.

14. i had a crush on vin diesel from the moment that i saw fast and the furious. it lasted for years. thankfully i'm over that illness. the fact that he's only like 5'4" or something like that might have had something to do with it.

15. i had hair past my elbows up until grade 9. i was teased a lot because i always wore it in a ponytail. i went home and cut it all off and had short (like 1 inch long) hair for the majority of high school. i look back at it and regret it...i think i looked like a boy.

16. i lost my first grandparent out of 4 this last week. we were close. we all knew it was comiing but that doesn't change how hard it was. he taught us all through his life to cherish life and live it to the full and love God.

17. i was an obnoxious kid when i was young (maybe still am). in some ways i'm very ashamed of how i ipitomized the "annoying youngest sibling". i vividly remember driving my sister and brother to the point of insanity and then genuinely wondering why they didn't like me. i know they picked on me but in more ways than one, i think i deserved some of it (not all of it of course).

18. i set a barn on fire (intentionally) when i was in grade seven. i'm not proud of it, in fact, up until about two years ago I hadn't barely told anyone. i was angry about life and hated my new school. i'm so glad for grace.

19. i played basketball in the British Isles for a month just before grade 12. i was even invited to mulitiple identification camps for colleges in grade 11. by grade 12 nobody wanted a 5'4" point guard who had a post-player mentality and was built like a freight train....

20. most of the time i'm okay with being single...i keep busy enough that i don't dwell on it too much. but both my siblings are married and are havingg kids. it makes me feel like i'm getting left out or i'm letting my parents down (they are very proud and boastful grandparents) and to top it all off, my cousin who is quite a bit younger than me is getting married. i'll i can offer is a dog (a very nice, well behaved dog) as a token member of the family and act like being alone and single doesn't bother me as much as it sometimes does.

21. in addition to writing poetry...i write...stories. no one has ever read my stories and i suppose no one ever will. but it makes me happy. it's fun to create different places, times, storylines, and characters and make it all work out the way that i want.

22. i go through withdrawl starting about 2.5 months after a rugby season is done. i think most rugby players would agree. it's just the right amount of time to allow your body to heal and begin to gain back that bit of weight and maybe notice yourself getting winded going up flights of stairs or on short runs that usually shouldn't. no matter who i have played for, for how long, where, or what level - 2.5 months and i start getting edgy and surly cuz i'm craving the pitch again. and when i say withdrawl i mean moody, easily aggitated, and edgy...serious withdrawl.

23. one of the best moments of my life to date is in 2007 when the Pronghorns beat U of A in the CanadaWest final 3-0. It was the first time I had been on the Pronghorn team when they had defeated the Pandas. I'm pretty sure I hyperventilated...i had dislocated my pinky literally minutes before the game began. i ran around to my trainer, all of my coaches and finally to the UVic's head trainer to find someone who had the stomach to put it back in place so we could get it taped up and my jersey on before the game started. i ran back on just as the kick off was taking place. This second only to when we won Nationals against the university of western ontario. i'd like to say that i acted all cool and collected when the whistle blew at the end of the game...no - i'm pretty sure i jumped up and down and screamed like a little girl...there's video evidence.

24. i took 12 years of piano lessons. 12. i was able to play at a grade 6 level but i never took Royal Conservatory exams...i did take a couple of Theory exams but that was more for my mom than myself. i stopped taking the lessons when i was in grade 10. i really didn't like my teacher and volleyball/basketball were so important. in retrospect, i regret quitting or atleast not pushing to learn more about what i wanted to do on the piano...like playing by chords. i haven't seriously sat down to play anything on the piano for over 4 years now.

25. i have always been told that i'm a very intimidating person. i've never understood that. yes i can appear confident and forward but i just never understood why people have always just seen me as intimidating. it's bit a point of frustration for me because i can't just change that about me...

here it is...25 things...no judging please.

:::cort:::

still here but not

well - needless to say that i'm still here. i'm not dead nor lost. however some days that could be debateable. i feel like i'm apologizing all the time whenever i update this blog...which seems to be every 3-4 months. this last month is actually not my fault. i've been on the road and away from home more than i've been at home.

truth be told - i'm only in my office 5 days in february. i'm promoting camp or recruiting staff all over western canada. and it's been an adventure. long road trips and boring days - amazing moments and fun times meeting people and in some ways, being totally childish. those are good moments.well i'm back and returning to blogging...and hopefully consistantly. and you've heard that before so i'm not going to promise anything. at this point - i don't even think anybody is following this blog. but whatever - i never started it to get a 'following'. that's not the point.

two days ago i became an aunt again. my brother and sister in law just had their second baby. when they first announced that they were pregnant i jokingly announced that I would have to get another dog to keep up with the rest of the family (my sister and brother in law also have two kids). my brother was not very impressed and basically told me to get a husband. apparently that hasn't gone very well because i'm still boyfriendless and husbandless and still have one dog.

hmmm.

so my new nephew's name is Keaton Reid. 8lb 1oz and came into this world kicking and screaming at 3:50pm. hopefully i'll be able to get some pictures up of him.

things are still white around here. all the nice weather i think has spoiled us albertans and turned us into whining little softies. i was getting gas yesterday and i think the temperature was something like -15 and the lady was like "so is it still really cold out there?". i didn't know what to say. i generally don't even start wearing a winter jacket until it's about -15. i mean, december was almost entirely -30 with a windchill down to like -45. we (albertans) normally make fun of people who complain about -15...or maybe it's just me that is making fun of people.

anyways, i'm not getting my hopes up. it's still winter. and will be still winter until the end(ish) of march. whoopeeee.

i'm off now. but the next update will be soon. i'm planning on posting pictures of some of my travels - including the evil rock chip that ruined my life.

'til next time,
stay fit and have fun.
cort

snow, skunks, and moose (oh my)

well that's definitely something to be thankful for...no snow. earlier this week i thought it would not be so but we have escaped unscathed. the grass is still more green than yellow and even though most of the trees are naked, we are do okay. it's a mild, sketchy 13 degrees here east of e-town where i am celebrating a quiet thanksgiving with family. koda is chasing squirrels and skunks and whatever else he can find and i have had my lovely fix of starbucks coffee which i have missed a lot since my time in vancouver. the 'coffee binge' in sundre just doesn't do it for me. i guess that would make me a coffee snob.

in a week's time i will hopefully be an advanced wilderness and remote first aider. i'm very excited and hopefully it will only be stepping stone to higher certifications but i'm liking the fact that i can now operate an AED, relocated certain dislocations, and apply traction to some broken bones.

camp is good but there has been a couple instances where i have found myself in precarious positions. the first one would be because of a small black and white creature called a skunk. this skunk, which i fondly refer to as the Antichrist, penned me up in my house for 20 minutes. it sat down and stared at my front door (and me) and stalked menacingly forward any time i attempted to leave the house.

it was also spotted the next day CHASING another staff member for a good 50 metres. the skunk, needless to say, is still at large.

the second situation i found myself in was last week where my dog, koda, was pitching a fit outside on my deck. i came out of the house thinking that the antichrist had returned for a second round with me when i came face to face with a bull moose. My deck is about 5 feet high and his antlers were definetely 3-4 inches taller than me still. He was banging his antlers against the deck where my dog was lunging at him. I could have reached out and touched him. it was a little too close for comfort.

obviously, since you're reading this, i'm alive and survived that experience just fine. well, I'd better go eat pre-cooked turkey dinner from safeway (not my choice, trust me). until next time...

oh yeah, and go vote tomorrow (it just seems like the thing to say).
cort

the cat came back

greetings.

well - if you have not been informed...i am back at Camp Evergreen. that's right - sundre alberta. pretty much the exact opposite of vancouver. but i love it, strangely enough.

here's what i learnt in vancouver...

that vancouverans...or vancouverites are very disillusioned about their mountains. in reality they're just giant chia pets. the real mountains reside in alberta.

they're very confused about the pronunciation of lougheed. as in peter lougheed. for you bc'ers it's pronounced 'law-heed' not 'low-heed'. honestly.

that there are some very, very cool people to hang out with at Red Robins. they are garaunteed to give you one heck of an adventure of epic proportions...trouble included.

stop-signs, amber lights, and in fact all traffic signs and devices might only be considered to be a suggestion rather than the law. somebody should really informed them of this...and outlaw honking while they're at it.

the weather isn't all that bad. it's warmer and when you step back into the freezer of alberta - you find that you really did take for granted how much nicer it is out west.

living and getting to know your grandparents is important. don't take them or the time left you have with them for granted. to know where you have come from will only better your journey ahead.

roosters is definitely a tourist attraction.

if you're a rugby player looking for a home out west - go to burnaby lake. there are some fantastic girls out there and one heck of a good coach. thanks walt!

winning 2 national championships in less than 9 months...it is most definitely as sweet as it sounds.

well - keep in tune because i really am going to be around more often.
peace out
cort

still here

well...

i'm still here...mostly. still playing rugby...and still in bc...(well actually in alberta at this exact moment but i will be back in alberta soon). i'll tell you this much...

there's no faster way to find out that you're a small town alberta girl for life than to move to the big supercity of vancouver.

i won't say that i hate but clausterphobia definetely set in and a bit of cabin fever...

not being able to see beyond 1km.
having up to 1000 people touching me...almost at one time.
taking public transit because it's faster...
feeling like downtown is across the province.
driving downtown taking the same amount of time that it takes to drive from red deer to calgary and sometimes...from calgary to edmonton. - ridiculous.
rain.
having bc people believe, seriously believe, that all the mountains belong to them. apparently banff, jasper, and waterton don't count for anything...ridiculous.

anyways...but i'm returning to vancouver to play for the province of bc. why? because it helps me achieve my goal of playing rugby for canada. it may happen or it may not. but i have to try.

so stay tuned...i'll be back and around...it just might take 3 months to post something.

cort