#30
I'm now carting around the number 30 in my life. It's a little funny to me to listen to all of the unsolicited advice on either how people got through the "Day of Reckoning" or how it re
ally wasn't that bad or how 29 was worse or how the really bad one is 31 or 32.
I don't think that there's an end to this one. I don't think there's an actual answer to dealing with the problem of aging in one's life. Perhaps it's just to hide my head in a hole and hope that life just goes on like normal without too many people bringing attention to the fact that stuff doesn't sit like they used to on my body or that I have to work out twice as hard and eat twice as less just to maintain whatever shape seems to be 'okay' (which, by the way, is not going well). Maybe I just need to keep dying my hair so that I never have to face the fact that I've had grey hair since I was 20...yes - grey hair.
It could be that the answer lies in everyone else...not me. In fact - the fact that I'm 30 now doesn't really phase me at all. I still kick really hard and I'm pretty sure that when rugby season comes around...I'm still going to be able to dump tackle and run over people. So it's not that I become an invalid the minute 30 years rolled around at 7:30am this morning - so the answer really doesn't seem to lie in me...I'm still functioning at a fairly normal place (as normal can be for me...it's relative to the individual in question). I think everybody else needs to adjust their idea of what 30 years old means because I am getting A LOT of people looking at me incredulously like there's no way that I'm 30 years old...I'm still undecided if that's a good things or a bad thing...
Do I not look 30?
Do I not act 30?
Do I act older than 30?
Have I not lived enough life yet to be 30?
Have I packed so much into 30 years that I should be 35?
Are the fruits of my life telling of someone who is only 25? Should I have more to offer now that I'm 30?
I think the only thing that I'm struggling with is being single at 30. I've already had someone tell me that 30 is the new 20. How is that supposed to make me feel? Justified that I'm single at 30? That it's an accomplishment to be independent and self-sufficient, loving my job, and impacting other people's life at 30? All of that sounds really good...but one should always seek to improve themselves...I'd like to improve the single-status to dating and then married...perhaps even having children but that's a bit too much in the future to me.
My first 30 were awesome. Filled with friends, travel, rugby, family, and g
old medals. They were also filled with times of growth in circumstances which either asked me if I wanted to grow or demanded it. Times when who I was as a person wasn't good enough causing me to ground myself in the affirmations of God my Father. Times of gain and loss and years of excitement and change.
I guess I don't have to look at the impact of what turning 30 means. I think the history of my number 30 has meant a great deal in my life. I think the best that I can do is look to the next 30 in anticipation of what it may and will hold.
ally wasn't that bad or how 29 was worse or how the really bad one is 31 or 32.I don't think that there's an end to this one. I don't think there's an actual answer to dealing with the problem of aging in one's life. Perhaps it's just to hide my head in a hole and hope that life just goes on like normal without too many people bringing attention to the fact that stuff doesn't sit like they used to on my body or that I have to work out twice as hard and eat twice as less just to maintain whatever shape seems to be 'okay' (which, by the way, is not going well). Maybe I just need to keep dying my hair so that I never have to face the fact that I've had grey hair since I was 20...yes - grey hair.
It could be that the answer lies in everyone else...not me. In fact - the fact that I'm 30 now doesn't really phase me at all. I still kick really hard and I'm pretty sure that when rugby season comes around...I'm still going to be able to dump tackle and run over people. So it's not that I become an invalid the minute 30 years rolled around at 7:30am this morning - so the answer really doesn't seem to lie in me...I'm still functioning at a fairly normal place (as normal can be for me...it's relative to the individual in question). I think everybody else needs to adjust their idea of what 30 years old means because I am getting A LOT of people looking at me incredulously like there's no way that I'm 30 years old...I'm still undecided if that's a good things or a bad thing...
Do I not look 30?
Do I not act 30?
Do I act older than 30?
Have I not lived enough life yet to be 30?
Have I packed so much into 30 years that I should be 35?
Are the fruits of my life telling of someone who is only 25? Should I have more to offer now that I'm 30?
I think the only thing that I'm struggling with is being single at 30. I've already had someone tell me that 30 is the new 20. How is that supposed to make me feel? Justified that I'm single at 30? That it's an accomplishment to be independent and self-sufficient, loving my job, and impacting other people's life at 30? All of that sounds really good...but one should always seek to improve themselves...I'd like to improve the single-status to dating and then married...perhaps even having children but that's a bit too much in the future to me.
My first 30 were awesome. Filled with friends, travel, rugby, family, and g
old medals. They were also filled with times of growth in circumstances which either asked me if I wanted to grow or demanded it. Times when who I was as a person wasn't good enough causing me to ground myself in the affirmations of God my Father. Times of gain and loss and years of excitement and change.I guess I don't have to look at the impact of what turning 30 means. I think the history of my number 30 has meant a great deal in my life. I think the best that I can do is look to the next 30 in anticipation of what it may and will hold.
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ReplyDeletethank you for your musings. you have packed much life into 30 short years, and i've enjoyed being friends with you for about ten of those. i like that thought. i'll call you later, and maybe you'll have your cell phone and time to talk, and maybe you'll be responding to hundreds of happy birthday texts, and maybe you'll be out doing something wonderful and exciting. either way, i hope this day is full of good music, meaningful work, people you love... I hope that for you every day, not just today, but today especially.
ReplyDeletemmm i like your thought process and really think that adventures are fun...whatis next after being crazy? last lines were solid.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday Courtney!
ReplyDelete30 is just another number. And while it does take some time to wrap your brain around, you are right that you don't really feel any different on the inside. You are still the same person. (on the outside however...I am all for hair dye, teeth whiteners, and push-up bras!)
You will be so much more than just fine.