ho hum

it's ho hum...not bah hum bug...

i have made the mistake this last week of becoming vocal about my distaste of the christmas season. i don't think i was as vocal last year (people still knew but i didn't harp on the matter) but i've made the mistake this last week of making a few comments in the same company and then even on a friend's blog about things that i didn't like about the season. i have really, really tried to keep my mom shut or at the very least mostly muted on the subject in previous years because i either get severe backlash on it or i upset people. but it's been hard these last few days to keep the filter going. maybe it's because it was banquet week at the camp or maybe it's because december just started and that means christmas is in full swing. who knows - but i know everytime i opened my mouth on the matter some grumpy comment about there being no happiness in christmas or that seeing family wasn't a good thing was coming out...and then regretting that i had ever opened my mouth in the first place would follow.

so to those that were made witness multiple times of my 'scrooge-like' opinions...i am sorry. not sorry that i feel that way but sorry that i could not keep the cap on it. i should have. i should not be ruining or putting a damper on it for anybody else. they're my issues and my deal.

but here it is...my annual post about my anti-christmas season feelings and be prepared...it's a doozy.

i hate winter.
-yes i know. i live in the wrong province, the wrong country. i'm sorry if i love alberta in the summer...i just really hate unpredictable roads, -42 (not including the wind chill), and really bulky clothing. i dislike how expensive warm clothing is...and i hate how i don't really have a choice about spending money on said clothing. i hate shoveling my walk and brushing off my vehicle. i just really don't like winter. but i do really like chinooks...unless they result in bad roads...then i hate them.
i hate the commercialism.
- no - it's not about just the buying stuff because we all buy stuff at different points of the year so it CAN'T just be a hate on buying stuff during the last two months of the year. we live in a commerically-driven world...and i like having jeans and new rugby jerseys. so i'm not exempt from commercialism...but this time of year is seeps into EVERYTHING. buying stuff is emphasized and pushed from all angles...saving money while buying stuff...all while most of us can't afford it anyways. i just wish that we could take the econo-push out of the season. let the season be what it needs to be for each family...but heaven forbid that means people buy less stuff.

i hate the waste.
- we produce so much crap. we buy so much crap. all for the sake of what? for whom? stocking stuffers that we will never use, ugly christmas sweaters that will later only be worn on "Ugly Christmas Sweater Day", knick knacks and crap. there's one side of my family that used to do santa sacs and stockings. twice the crap...what did i get every year? glue on finger nails, nail polish, nylon socks (i only wear one kind of sock), a book that i've never heard of from an author i probably never will, crap...where does it go? well i admit, there has been years where it's found its way into a trash can - in later years, it found its way to a women's shelter.
- we waste SO much on pointless, useless gifts. sure - they're purchased at dollar stores and are relatively inexpensive but in reality - those are groceries for a family who can't afford them, mitts so that someone doesn't freeze their hands off...that money could not be wasted!

i hate the tv specials.
- just bring back my normal episodes. i hate the utopian, happy, fairy-tale end to all christmas specials/movies. sure - some of them attempt to deal with harder issues or have story lines about people with hard times in their lives. but they all end with a happy ending. well - they don't...not in the world that i live in. there's hope...i know. our story in Christ doesn't end badly. Christ is our hope...i know...the tv specials just suck - that's all.
i hate the bombastic decorations and obnoxious music.

- yes - there are quaint decorations and beautiful selections of music out there for this time of year. i would like to think that i own a bit of both. i'm a big fan of Andrea Bocelli, Joshua James (Field & Floods), and now, thanks to Kerry, Joy Williams. it's not possible to avoid the music. it's played in church and basically every where you go. so it's not like a person can get away from it but i definitely don't suppose the 'if you can't beat them, join them' philosophy...i keep some on hand in the case that i'm in a "lesser of two evils" situation.

- as for the decorations. it's just another thing to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on. and yes, i know many people, my mother included who put a lot of time and love into christmasizing their homes and places of work. i appreciate their love for the season...i just don't plan on taking part. my decorations that take 15 minutes to put up. and i plan on keeping it that way for a long, long time.

i hate obligation.
- i don't think you should ever be obligated to give a gift, cook a meal, have people over, go see people, be cheery...this is the part where the scrooge usually oozes out from. obligation. it makes me sick. you should want to...out of the goodness and love that you have for people. most people would say that's why they participate in the madness of the christmas season. but no...we don't go to this massive amount of trouble the rest of the year...sure, there's easter and thanksgiving...but they never seem to carry the hectic weight of christmas...maybe it's because they lack the commericalism (go figure)...maybe because people don't BUY each other stuff (huh...).
- we buy each other things we don't need because it's what you do at christmas...because what happens if someone gets me a gift and I don't reciprocate the gesture? what implications does that have on the relationship? what if i go to my mom's christmas and not my dad's (brief history lesson...my parents are both remarried)?
- what if I just want to stay at home on christmas day with my dog and cook myself an Armstrong Pan-Scrambler? what, may i ask, is so freaking sad about that? nobody squawks at me the rest of the year when I do that...why should the latter parts of december be any different? because...why? our commercial world tells us to? church tells us to? because it's "what" you do this time of year (if that's the case...why don't we random pick a different time of year when it's warmer and the roads aren't icy)?

[ deep breath ]

there is a bit of history here. one of which is something i often throw out when people tell me that i should LOVE christmas or take JOY in it because "He's the reason for the season"...yes. Jesus is the reason for the season...or atleast - we made him that. Jesus wasn't actually born in december. it was more like March or something like that. christmas day is december 25th because the christians way-way back then decided it would be good to take attention off of the pagan celebration of winter solstice. it's a moot point now. there's no changing it. it's just a funny thing to throw into a conversation that starts revolving around church and christmas. celebrate Jesus - yes but celebrate Him all year round and keep the spirit of joy all year round.

the other bit of history is this - coming from a family where i got bounced around a lot from house to house...each day was planned out because i might have to get to two or even three family dinners. there was no rest. there were a lot of years and still are to a certain degree where i was on a greyhound bus as a grade 9er on christmas day to get to my dad's or mom's or flying on the christmas eve redeye so that both parents sort of got me on christmas. christmas was never really 'mine' to enjoy. it always represented hectic business and was an in-your-face reminder that i have a broken family.

i think i'll end there for the day. to go on would mean that i will lose my readers and i don't want to do that just when i get to the best part in the story...the part where i'm not actually scrooge...i just sound like it...

and the part where i say that this WILL be the last time that you ever see this on my blog. i will never again post about my anti-christmas rants. i'm done. if i do - i will only be perpetuating what no longer needs to be perpetuated. i need to get over it...starting now.